Strong Female Leaders

By Nan Nan Liu-Maffetone | Strong Female Leaders | Reading Time: Five Minutes The people you work with are imperfect, just like you. They can be unreasonable, undermining and difficult. They can also do vicious things like throwing you under the bus. When that happens, you can either return the favor or behave maturely. If you have reacted undesirably in the past, don't worry, there are opportunities to improve. If you want to react better next time, then scroll down and find what steps to take to turn an upsetting situation into a learning opportunity.

1. Take the high road.

You cannot control what others do but you can control what you do. When someone throws you under the bus, it stings but it also offers the opportunity to learn and grow. When someone attacks you behind your back, fight the urge to respond. Instead, take the high road. What's important is your integrity so do not let anyone take that away from you.

2. Evaluate the source.

The source of the attack is important. If the person is a valued team player and has always contributed positively and have been honest and straight forward, then perhaps there is a valid reason behind this odd behavior. But if the person is notorious for complaining about others behind their backs and has been difficult to work with, then it is very possible that you are just one of the victims. In this case, shake it off and move on.

3. Reach out to the source.

If the source is truly respectable, then the situation deserves your time and effort. You have to reach out to the person in order to see the complete picture and understand the situation in its entirety. Open a direct dialogue and search for where the attacker is coming from. It takes two to tango and you might be just as guilty. Seek the truth and make it your personal mission to resolve the underlying problem.

4. Find the root cause.

When someone goes on the offensive, no matter how many reasons there seem to be, there is always one root cause. The root cause may not always be related to the reasons that have been expressed. It may not even be related to the actual situation. When in doubt, dig deep and ask for multiple "why's." Why is the person insecure? Stressed and frustrated? Powerless yet power-hungry?
When someone throws out criticism behind your back, the act seems like it is from anger but the driving force is fear. What is the person afraid of? Can you help alleviate that fear?
If you find the deep-rooted reason for such behavior, you are a few steps closer to the resolution.

5. Keep up the good work.

While it would be great to resolve the issue and build a good relationship, sometimes things just don't work out. Instead of wallowing in anger and dissapointment, think of all the positive things that are going on in your life, including the fact that you are trying your hardest at your job. If others are praising you for the goodness that you bring, trust the collective assessment and not the opinions of a few odd balls.
Keep up the good work, and don't let someone's lopsided criticism get you down. At the end of the day, your opinion of yourself is what matters the most.

Parting Thoughts

Good people do bad things. It all depends on the circumstances. When you, or someone else, has been thrown under the bus, it drags moral to the lowest of the low. What you do next, therefore, can either elevate or deprecate the situation. If you have made the mistake of responding poorly in the past: let it go, because today is a new day.
Keep your head up and shoulders back, and keep your eyes on the prize. And in this case, the prize is a better, more confident and stronger you.

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